The angst within!


Megha Sharma

What is the meaning of life? What is my place in this vast array of material and mythical manifestations? Spend some time on these mind boggling questions and you will discover how clueless you are. Much like the way I discovered recently!

Emotions, feelings are actually the real source of all pain and misery. So you see the ascetics are not kidding when they say that one can attain spiritual bliss if one lets go of them.

I stare at the sky for the umpteenth time in my life, looking desperately for a sign, for some indication from my personal god about where I am heading. I wonder why I cannot think with my mind and heart in total oblivion. Things, events, people, my loved ones, the daily battles inadvertently creep into my thoughts, making introspection impossible.

Although it might seem so, I am not suffering from existential angst. I used to be and am still now one of the most optimistic people on this planet! But being a true blue Gemini, I have multiple personas rolled into my being. Sometimes one of them emerges and catches me by surprise! Then the battle for supremacy begins.

One part of me wants to take on each day with zest and fervour, believes in the good side of every situation and ends up feeling content and spreading smiles around. The other one that has begun to rear it’s ugly head much too often these days, is the bitter and the foul part of me! Depressed with personal failures, everyday defeats and fighting a half hearted battle with the hurdles that life keeps throwing up in my face!

Am I weak if I seek solace in friends? Does the fact that I sometimes feel the acute need for a shoulder to rest my head upon underline my pathetic desperation or loneliness? Or do I just need to chill and let this phase pass.

Well nobody is giving me any answers! So I will go on and loose myself in the beauty of the moment, envelope myself in the lovely early winter chill and hope that succour will arrive in some form sooner or later! After all I have just one life to live and to love!

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~ by eugenicist on January 14, 2008.

2 Responses to “The angst within!”

  1. Life doesn’t mean anything. It’s all now and here. We’re here as a result of a series of highly improbable events. Events, which — in our known universe — have not occurred any where else. We’re just hurtling through time and space for the rest of eternity, and it bothers me knowing I can’t get off this damn planet!

  2. hi di…ur articles inspired me a lot…
    wht a creativity….
    and seriously…..the topics chosen by you are ultimate and exceptional…

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