This Is It…

“Happiness is not a brilliant climax to years of grim struggle and anxiety. It is a long succession of little decisions simply to be happy in the moment.”  — J Donald Walters

The rhythm of life is hard to keep pace with. Or, so I thought to myself till sometime back.

The ride was getting harder for me – it was taxing my nerves and I was beginning to feel heady with random details crowding my insides. Plans gone awry, unforseen events, an aching heart.

But, then the moment caught up with me. I had left it somewhere in the past, when future was all that I was lusting after.

That concept of living in the moment, seeking pleasure in the present through the means of little gestures, was something I had given up doing.

Happiness is fickle by its very nature. That being the case, it is futile to keep sacrificing your life in the present at its altar, with some grand future goal egging you on.

I was somebody who believed in putting it all into trying to make the ‘plans’ work. I was somebody who did exactly that for a good 15 years of her life. But, I am not that somebody anymore.

I still nurture hope. I still envision a better future for myself. The only difference is, that now I live within a shorter purview. I try living for the everyday. I try living for the now…

Of Blushes, Habits and…Dissolution

“Excess of everything is bad,” was the oft-repeated adage of my mother to me during my growing up years, and the same will be surely rattled off by me to my kids.

It is the one rule of life that I adhere to, or at least try to adhere to. Impressions dull, compliments fail to impress, and appetites diminish in face of excess.

Some ties, some impressions, some connections have to be really strong to be able to weather out the storm of excess, which brings a monotonous boredom in its wake.

Girl meets boy. Boy seemingly falls hard for her. Girl is all blushes as boy pays court. Days go by, moments glide past and herein enters the reality of life. Fevered compliments become lukewarm. Conversations now come interspersed with awkward silences.

Everything has a shelf life. Your appreciation and liking for most people including.

We rarely find the few we intend to and find worthy of appreciating for a long span of our lifetime. And suppose you do find one, the reciprocation of the same is highly doubtable.

Past experiences have taught me to be wary, to hold myself secure within the walls of my inner being in case I am faced with a non-responsive heart and soul.

A silver-tongued devil, a completely alien creature and a supremely talented person is who I recently came across. After enjoying a period of animated conversations and much more, am now afraid of the demons of excess taking over.

Should I ration my affection carefully so as to sustain something I have come to cherish dearly? Even if I do so, the insecurity that comes from being rejected once fails to leave me alone. And, time and again I find myself wondering about the sincerity of feeling on part of the other.

Isn’t it also unfair on the other? Isn’t the other person entitled to a just hearing? Hmm..I think so.

Well, life is sure to teach me more.

I must, nay will, learn to get over this glitch and continue my pursuit of happiness in earnest…